whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
