Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
