You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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