when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
