mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
