my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dear god my vagina.
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