I want to have your abortion
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
