I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
