So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
