i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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