dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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