More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
