He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
