I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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