I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
