Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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