in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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