i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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