All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
