Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just invented taco cereal.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
