dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
