9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
