I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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