i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
