Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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