im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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