Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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