This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
