SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
