Your tits are I can't wait for
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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