i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
