My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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