I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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