You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
