With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
