i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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