I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
