Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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