To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
