As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
