Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
