I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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