look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
