Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
