So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
