Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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