I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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