you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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