You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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