Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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