pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
