I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
