I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
